Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
