If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
