I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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