You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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