she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
