Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
