good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
