yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
