you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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