She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
