Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
