he looks like a really good dad on facebook
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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