Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
