better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
