I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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