i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
