I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
