So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
