The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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