Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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