Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
