Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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