it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
