Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
