I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
