I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
