i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
