I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
