did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
