My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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