don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
