No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
