I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
