Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
