sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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