This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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