Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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