i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
