im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
