He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
