this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
