Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Houston, we have a squirter
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
