My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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