I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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