Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
