if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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