reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
