i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
