Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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