Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
